On the fourteenth of February, I wrote this short journal entry about the recovery process. From time to time I read through some of my old writing and journal entries. Tonight, I skimmed through recent journal entries and felt compelled to blog this entry. When I first read the title of Mandy’s blog Healing Beyond Survival/ A Blog About Post-Traumatic Growth I was intrigued because at times I’d felt like my brain was rewiring itself and allowing me to heal.
After reading this does anyone else feel like they are transforming with each episode? It seems counterintuitive, yet it makes all the sense in the world…
My brain must be undergoing “post-traumatic growth” as Mandy labels this change in perception survivors go through as therapy progresses and little bits and pieces fall out of my head and onto the page.
I can be in the middle of something and a piece comes back to me. I don’t always have time or the ability to write it down. I try to make time though.
Scraps of paper liter my house. Five in my purse. Two on the coffee table. Seven under my nightstand. As I paint, write, stare blankly at the TV, look up at the ceiling I’ll think of something and have to write it down.
I’m beginning to more clearly understand what happened to me. It is as if someone dumped a three thousand-piece puzzle all over my house and said good luck finding them all. The putting it together part is more complicated at times than finding each piece in the first place.
The biggest problem? All the pieces are tiny; many look almost identical. Yet, I’m slowly beginning to find several pieces and starting to put them together. Sometimes though a piece isn’t always in the right location so I start again.
Healing the body, mind and spirit is a gradual process, but a worthwhile one. One day, I hope to see the entire puzzle finished, but until then I’ll continue looking for the pieces and connecting what I’ve found. Freedom is worth the pain.