The dots are all starting to connect. I realize now that I have been disassociating for a long time.
I have spent what seems like hours, staring at the TV, but not taking in a bit of the plot. I have read several pages in a book and remember little to none of what I read the next morning. I have had phone conversations with friends, which ended prematurely because I zoned out on them. I have had conversations with my husband, and spaced out on every other sentence to the point I lost the conversation.
I spaced out on the last half of the school year-half-coaching, half-working, half-breathing, half-moving, and by the end sitting in my office, door shut, and avoiding everyone around me in fear of what now seems to be anything associated with my adolescence.
By the end of the year, I had grown comfortably numb, and then, it was gloriously over with. It was summer break and I did not renew my contract…
Survivors, do you struggle to stay present? If so what helps you remain present?