This afternoon, I went to Yoga. I learned more things from my own body.
The strongest part of my body is my legs, which I have always used to run from things and people. The weakest parts are my shoulders, chest, lower back, pelvic area and gluts. I was whipped so much on the behind with a belt that I can still feel my gluts sting and tighten. My hips lock up like Fort Knox, not wanting to open without a million breaths.
I was always getting beat with a belt. If it wasn’t the behind it was the shoulders, back, hips, and, one time, my head. I was always smart and covered my head however. It was as though my instincts told me the head needed protection. My shoulders also bunched up trying to avoid the hit. The time she did hit my head I felt a little dizzy standing in front of my mirror. It seems as though I was checking the mirror to insure I was still there.
My heart area is still tight, but I keep fighting the tightness with each breath. During the heart poses, I shake. My balance gradually improves with the heart poses. Once again I cry at the end of class. The room is dark and it’s time to relax. My body trembles against the warm floor, my mind fights my body, not letting it relax.
I am starting to accept just how beat up my body has become. Lots of repairs are needed. I feel like I am starting to heal a little each day. It is so refreshing and healing to talk to Auntie. Finally, somebody understands and doesn’t think I deserved it somehow…